“Goal setting” has become one of those Insta-famous ideas that successful looking people send post after post for us to see.
“You just have to set an intention,”
“I made a list of goals and then got to work, and now I have a luxury watch and a fast car.”
“You just need to 10x your mindset by setting bigger goals, you’re not aiming high enough.”
Seriously, how long has it been since a picture of a fancy watch, a lion, a private jet, or a super car rolled by on your social media feed with the word “goals” or “hustle” or some such thing in the caption? These posts seem to be staring at me every time I open the app!
I’ve been a goal-setter for the better part of a decade now. Once or twice a year I take a day to myself and I reflect on how my life is going. I make notes about the big things that have happened. I ask where I want to be in 6 months, a year, 5 years, a decade. Then I make a list of goals and get to work.
Not to brag, but I freakin LOVE my life. I’m extremely happy. I spend the majority of my day, every day, doing what I most want to be doing. I have more than I need. My family is wonderful. My hobbies bring me joy. I’m healthy. That said, I’m not convinced goal-setting had anything to do with it.
The Problem(s) with Goals
I see two big issues with building a goal-oriented life. First, if we invest the energy to thoughtfully set goals, we tend to commit to them. Couple that with a high level of motivation and we can find ourselves working doggedly towards our goals without ever stopping to reassess. The twin enemies of success – sunk-cost bias and myopic thinking – take over as we “embrace the grind and hustle towards a better future.”
Second, we slip into destination thinking. We become obsessed with where we’re headed, instead of where we are. We endure misery (or even just mild irritation) in the name of success. “If I just get through this, THEN my life will come together and I’ll be happy.” We spend our lives living for the future watching the days, months, and years slip past.
On the other hand, many of the world’s most successful people point to a very different path.
Try Opportunity Surfing Instead
When I really think about it, the best things that have happened to me were completely unplanned. I was working hard on one thing, and suddenly an opportunity to do something else presented itself. In order to take the opportunity I’d have to abandon my current path and the goals it supposedly led to. This is what actually happened for every major career development, my love life, and even my hobbies.
Maybe instead of “goal setting” we should be “opportunity surfing.” A wave of opportunity comes along and we hop on for the ride. Sometimes we take it all the way to shore, sometimes times another wave comes along and we have to decide to pivot. Pivoting looks like leaving the original path for something better – a feat that is hard to do if we’re unquestionably committed to our goals.
Life is dynamic. I’m starting to realize that success has more to do with looking around, rather than ahead. Work hard, focus on the journey, but stay agile and willing to shift when something better comes along. Because it will, and you don’t want to miss it.
What a great post and very relevant to my life at the moment! Similar concepts to a book I’m currently reading, Letting Go: Pathway To Surrender – David R. Hawkins. A quote from The Benefits of Letting Go chapter;
“The purpose of letting go, in contrast, is the elimination of the ego. The ego is fearful and limited and, when it is surrendered, the inner Self stands forth, and what was always more powerful is revealed. Many psychotherapies have no real knowledge of the Self and are, therefore, blind to Reality Itself. As for efficacy, psychotherapy is like a horse and buggy, while the mechanism of surrender and letting go is like a space ship. In the time it takes for therapy to slowly poke about a limited area, letting go has already moved far beyond it into a whole new dimension.”
I’ve recently resigned from a job to pursue a fully remote lifestyle. I’m currently interviewing for many roles and confident I will be able to land one soon. It was a difficult decision but a necessary one to live the life I want to.
Thank you for sharing Tony and keep the writing going!
I came across this post because of Zach Scannapieco. Glad i did, the last few months of my life that exactly what i have been doing, pivoting around, looking for that wave of opportunity that suits me.
This post just put everything that i have been thinking in perspective.
Thanks for sharing, I will definitively keep checking your blog.
Cheers